It’s summertime and you know what that means … Obnoxious Facebook posts about how “amazing” Europe is.

This morning my timeline was filled with: the #culture of Paris, the #flavor of Madrid and that “there are no words” to describe Interlaken.

I have been fortunate enough to spend a good bit of time in Europe; crossing the pond multiple times and taking refuge in several countries. It’s definitely a cool place, but what strikes me each time I go is how similar it is to America. I guess this is why every upper-middle-class senior in college feels perfectly comfortable bouncing from hostel to hostel with only a backpack and Chaco sandals.

Inspired by my morning Facebook scan, I proceeded to make some smartass comments about Europe to a group text with some friends of mine. We debated whether Belgium was really France trapped in Holland’s body or the other way around, the merits of Lithuanian basketball and if there was a point to Poland.

One comment, however, led us down a very interesting path that played on the synergies I have always found between Europe and the United States: “Nah dude, the Germans are like the Texans of Europe”.

The tangent went from there and we made some very compelling (albeit stereotypical) comparisons between European countries and our states. From geography and people to economy and lifestyle, every U.S. state is different, but we determined that each has striking similarities to at least one European country.

Here is what we found and a brief explanation for why our states are doppelgangers of places in Europa (in alphabetical order by state):

Alabama = Serbia
Racial tensions run high in each of these places and Alabama had their own version of Slobodan Milošević: George Wallace.
Alaska = Greenland
They are far away, cold, scenic and really large. Just how Alaska borders Canada, Greenland is geographically in North America and only culturally connected to Europe.
Arizona = Sweden
Sweden was the first country in the world to introduce a research center for “racial” biology. This is totally something Arizona would do.
Arkansas = Belarus
Both are easily forgotten and don’t contribute a whole lot to the rest of the world. Like Belarus, Arkansas generally goes with whatever form of political thought is popular at the time.
California = Italy
Much like people from California, no one else in the world knows wine, food, culture and art like Italians … At least according to them. The Italian coast, mountain ranges and film industry all mirror our arrogant sibling known as California. Throw in horrible economies and they are one in the same.
Colorado = Switzerland
Ski resorts, hiking and big business are what both are known for. Consider that they are both liberal in politics (but can still be fascist at times) and boom, Colorado is Switzerland.
Connecticut = Luxembourg
No one is really from either of these and their existences are dependent upon the success of neighboring places.
Delaware = Liechtenstein
When naming countries in Europe, everyone forgets about Liechtenstein and it’s hard to find on the map.
Florida = Spain
A lot of Europe’s weird crime stories come out of Spain – same goes for Florida in the U.S. They both have rich histories and miles of coastline. Everyone is tan no matter what time of year you go there. If you have ever been to Miami, then you have been to Barcelona.
Georgia = Greece
They both have their charm and appeal but are losing their economic importance. Atlanta and Athens each recently hosted Olympic Games.
Hawaii = Sardinia
Just … Gorgeous.
Idaho = Slovenia
Don’t have the same ski resort pull as their neighbors and there isn’t a whole lot going on in either.
Illinois = Belgium
One major city and a lot of farmland. Like Chicago in the United States, Brussels is one of the best places to visit in Europe.
Indiana = Albania
Tirana isn’t a bad town … for an industrial city trying to pass off as a destination. Indianapolis, anyone?
Kansas/Nebraska/Iowa/Wyoming = Ukraine
Lots of area, lots of farming. No one really wants to be there.
Kentucky = Croatia
You probably don’t want to get in a fight with a Croat at a bar. Same can be said for people from Kentucky.
Louisiana = Czech Republic
Like the Cajuns, the Czechs are just different folk. If you have ever been to Prague, then you know that it’s basically the New Orleans of Europe.
Maine = Norway
Very outdoorsy with beautiful getaways — for people that live in other places.
Maryland = Wales
Just riding the back of England (Virginia).
Massachusetts = Israel
I know Israel isn’t in Europe but that’s the only country that’s as self-righteous as Massachusetts.
Michigan = Finland
Both are ridiculously cold but quite industrious. Definitely not the same economic or political powers that they used to be, but their sports are still going strong. Finland has the highest per capita gold medals of any country in the world.
Mississippi = Bosnia and Herzegovina
Crazy shit just goes down. Surprisingly scenic, though.
Missouri = Turkey
Missouri is confused about whether they are Southern or Midwestern and Turkey still doesn’t know if they are European or Asian. Missouri tried to make a decision when they bolted for the SEC, much like Turkey when they entered the EU.
Montana = Estonia
“Yeah, it’s up there.”
Nevada = Iceland
Both are desolate places with very few trees.
New Hampshire = Kosovo
Where are they on the map again?
New Jersey = Sicily
How do you know someone is from New Jersey/Sicily? Because they will tell you … a thousand times.
New Mexico = Slovakia
They were both given their sovereignty as part of a larger deal. Slovakia and New Mexico are best known for having to drive through them to get somewhere else. Lots of UFOs reported in both.
New York = France
If a state could be nationalistic (like France) then it would certainly be New York. Each has one massive, dirty city that’s hard to get around and several smaller metropolises. They’re not afraid to let you know how important they are and that they are culturally superior. If you go to Hobby Lobby, 90% of the stereotypical college-girl posters are from these two places.
North Carolina/South Carolina = Ireland/Northern Ireland
Just like Ireland and Northern Ireland, only people from the Carolinas know why there are two of them. They are also famous for things that aren’t really unique to them at all; like Irish Whisky and Carolina BBQ.
North Dakota/South Dakota = Romania/Bulgaria
I have no idea if this is true about North and South Dakota but we’ll just say they’re also really good at gymnastics.
Ohio = The Netherlands
Old, industrial cities long passed their prime abound in both of these places. Like Ohio, everyone in Holland pretty much looks the same. Both are excellent at sports and have a reverence for plants: in Ohio it’s buckeyes and the Dutch love their tulips.
Oklahoma = Poland
With rich natural resources in both, they should be much stronger powers than they are. Some decent art and culture have come out of each, but not a lot of scenery and no one ever vacations in these spots. Like Poland, Oklahoma could easily be taken over by Germany (Texas).
Oregon = Latvia
Like Oregon, lots of serial killers come from Latvia. They each have one major city with a lot of bridges. They are really proud of these bridges for some reason.
Pennsylvania = Portugal
They both used to be huge deals but are losing their prominence with each year that goes by. Great athletics come from Pennsylvania and Portugal and they both have the two city setup of Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, Porto and Lisbon.
Rhode Island = Montenegro
No one can really explain why they are sovereign states, but they pretty much keep to themselves so people don’t worry about it. Good fishing in both.
Tennessee = Hungary
At a crossroads of North and South, East Coast and Midwest, Tennessee – like Hungary – has several identities. They both used to be much more influential than they are now, and were catalysts for major wars: Hungary with WWI and Tennessee with the American Civil War.
Texas = Germany
Huge populations and strong economies define Texas and Germany. The Berlin/Munich rivalry is very similar to Texas’ Houston vs Dallas argument. Everyone seems to forget about Hamburg (San Antonio) which is actually a bigger city than Munich. If the Nazi party ever gained momentum in America, you better believe it would come from Texas.
Utah = Austria
Beautiful scenery that everyone raves about. However, if Colorado is Switzerland then Utah is definitely Austria. They are pretty much the same; just more “Nazi stuff” going on in Utah.
Vermont = Macedonia
Scenic mountain ranges and nice people, but both are stuck in areas where they can’t really be players in the world scene. They seem perfectly fine with that.
Virginia = England
Both were huge deals back in the day. Now, they seem to think they are important but produce little results. Lots of history and lots of expensive colleges.
Washington = Moldova
Running out of countries now…
West Virginia = Scotland
No one can really understand their versions of English. People are sort of afraid to find out what’s really going on up in those foothills.
Wisconsin/Minnesota = Denmark
Like those from Wisconsin/Minnesota, the Danes are conservative at heart but have strangely liberal political views. They are all sort of Canadian and have a lot of white people with funny accents.

So there you have it. The United States of Europe. What are your thoughts? Do you think these comparisons work like we thought they did?